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CYG: Belonging

Day 4: Belonging

I was so excited to tell my BYF friends I was pregnant. I found out about my miscarriage right before a shift and just texted telling them I couldn't come in. I didn't tell them why. I was heart broken, but above that, I didn't fit! I was with this group of mother's (yeah, most of them were really bad at it and learning from me to become better), and my body wouldn't allow me to become one. I didn't belong anymore. 

In the two years of our marriage, things changed. I became less and less confident in myself, and began to stay in a lot more. I've talked about that a bit over the last month, but for those who knew me in college, the idea if me sitting on the couch for even an hour would be baffling! And, yet, I would be home for days over summer break, just sitting on the couch. Talking to NO ONE! 

Salt Lake has brought a lot of good to me. The Debra Bonner Unity Gospel Choir is one of them. I started going just because I was scared of being at the house alone. Then, I became the "nanny" and ride. Then, guess what?! People started talking to me. Like I existed, and they talked to me every week and remembered what I said, like I mattered. 

Not long after that, I was invited to sing with them. Me? Sing? I couldn't do that. I mean, I know I can sing. I do it in the shower and the car and anywhere I am alone and no one can hear me, but with a choir? No. (But, remember I'm still in a year of "YES"). So, I sang in a private tryout. Really quiet. And really bad. With no confidence. And my 6 year old cousin had to sing with me because I was so bad! I think, without knowing my story at all, Debra knew my story. And she said, "Saprano. See you next week."

So now I belong this amazing family. I have been given these amazing opportunities, but I don't even care about the music videos, because the people I get to be with every week are so great. They lift me up each week. Every time I walk into rehearsal I can feel my confidence grow by 2 points. 


I love it. I belong. 




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