A couple weeks ago I sat on a couch playing with my 5 month old nephew.
"How old would yours be now?" She asked.
"9 months," I responded. "How did you know?" I felt brave enough to ask.
"I can see it in your eyes."
You thought you were in the clear after September's Chiari posts. Honestly, I did too. I did capture your grief for myself last year. Wrote it in my journal, didn't post a picture. When this was posted a few days ago, toyed with doing this, but didn't know how vulnerable I was willing to be. I have gone through a lot in the last year, moved to a new state to recreate myself, met new people... Do I really what to bring this all back?
But then I think back to back home. The thing I miss most is working at BYF. I miss using my personal experiences to help others, motivate them, and show them that yeah LIFE IS TOUGH! But we are tougher, and we can get through it.
A year ago I remember talking to a lot of people about what miscarriage and pregnancy loss means to me. This year I have talked to a lot of people about mental health, healthy marriages, and personal happiness. I've been talking to people. Talking about it and sharing my story is what heals me most.
So I'm doing this. Some post will be on Intagram. Some will have long blog explanations, and others will just be a picture. Some I will talk to my closest friends about and others will just be documented in my personal journal. But I will do my best to post a photo for each day on this blog.
Over this last year, I've learned that commitment isn't my thing. I think divorce does that. Maybe it's just me? So, I may quit a week into it- and that's okay. Because I am doing this for me, and it is going to be good. I'm going to capture my grief if the last year and a half. I'm going to capture through words and pictures how I see what has come of my life through the blessing of my miscarriage (yes, I just called it a blessing). And I am going to be vulnerable, and invite you on this journey.
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