REcreate

I’ve taken some time off.
And when I say “some time” a mean almost a year. And when I say “off”, I mean I have been doing my best to live my best life. Not long after I wrote my last blog post, I bought myself a necklace. It is really simple, and I haven’t taken it off since. It is a reminder to not go out into the world to find myself but to create myself.

In the last year, REcreating myself is exactly what I have been looking to do.

Let’s address the elephant in the room, or on the blog should I say? Transitioning from a wife back into the single world has been strange. I am going to do my best to avoid the WHYS behind the divorce, for respect of both of us, but hindsight is 20/20, and I can see now, that a year ago I was in a real unhealthy place.

I transitioned from the girl who planned a giant casino night for the whole university to the girl who was afraid to leave her house for fear of what people would think. I shifted from the girl who would talk to anyone about anything anywhere to the girl who needed someone to hold her hand at the grocery store and prayed that the cashier wouldn’t say more that the total cost to her. I was no longer the girl who would break out in random song and dance in the middle of the street in West Yellowstone solely based off of a dare, but the girl who wouldn’t even sing in the shower. The girl I had become is not the girl I wanted to be. It wasn’t the girl I am.

I am by no means the bold Aggie with the ceramic flamingo standing in front of 30 people listing all the reasons you should vote for her. And I am still not the confident high school female standing in the shower in the boys locker room yelling, “Chill out Frosty!” to the Varsity Weights Coach. I’m also not the girl screaming all the words to “Lipgloss” with her roommate at the top of her lungs for the whole cabin to hear.

But, guess what! I am on my way! This year, I have worked on creating myself. I have started by saying “YES!”

“YES!” to all dares! Send a Snapchat, cousins see the hat of the guy sitting in front of me, cousins dare me to take his hat… What is there to lose? I say YES! He actually ended up being super cool and we are now friends! Imagine that… (Hey Alex!)

I have started saying “YES!” to all invitations. Reunited with my friend because she also lost in a relationship, she invites me to her birthday weekend, I say YES! I realize the importance of having a solid group of girlfriends and begin with these amazing women! Yes is so good!

Say “YES!” to a job offer. I was planning on traveling all summer. ALL SUMMER! But then I was offered the opportunity to work at a summer camp and I said SURE (really, that’s what I said). Summer camp changed my life! Summer camp gave me purpose, reminded me of what real love is, and gave me a sense of belonging. Summer camp also gave me a nose ring, and I had wanted that since I was 12 (that’s 15 years people!!).

I am still working on creating myself, but I think that is going to be a life process. But, that being said, I am proud of my direction and I know where I want to be. I’m now in the city, and ready for change. I’m ready to make the changes and to Recreate. I’m ready to be happy again, I am happy again, and I know things can only get better.