Life of Sare

I’ve taken some time off. And when I say “some time” a mean almost a year. And when I say “off”, I mean I have been doing my best to live my best life. Not long after I wrote my last blog post, I bought myself a necklace. It is really simple, and I haven’t taken it off since. It is a reminder to not go out into the world to find myself but to create myself. In the last year, REcreating myself is exactly what I have been looking to do. Let’s address the elephant in the room, or on the blog should I say? Transitioning from a wife back into the single world has been strange. I am going to do my best to avoid the WHYS behind the divorce, for respect of both of us, but hindsight is 20/20, and I can see now, that a year ago I was in a real unhealthy place. I transitioned from the girl who planned a giant casino night for the whole university to the girl who was afraid to leave her house for fear of what people would think. I shifted from the girl who would talk to anyone about ...

I LOVE my night job. It is only one night a week, and only 2 hours. My monthly paycheck pays for 2 weeks’ worth of gas. I definitely don’t love it for the money. But, I can tell you why I love it. I love my job because we talk about Personal Power. We talk about the importance of making a choice and owning it. We talk about being proud of decisions you make and making sure to use your Personal Power in a positive way, doing something you would be happy to tell your mom about. I love my job because we talk about owing your emotions. We practice I statements, and knowing that our emotions are ours and no one made us feel that way, but that our reaction is something that personally belongs to us. We talk about how with our reactions we have consequences, and consequences are not always bad. We talk about how it is okay to feel angry and upset, but how we express our anger needs to be positive. We now know that when we are angry, we never hurt ourselves. This means we avoid negative s...

My favorite assignment I was ever given was one from my second semester in college. It was in Eng1020, and the assignment was called “My Life Sounds Like.” This assignment was given back when it was still cool to make someone a CD… Well barely in the time. I think it was probably the last CD I made, actually. The assignment was to make a playlist of songs (I think there were about 15 on it) that tell someone about your life. We then had to write a paragraph about each song diving into the lyrics. I loved that it gave me the opportunity to hide behind a song yet truly look into my life and discover what was truly going on.  I don’t really know what was on that CD, because once you made it you picked a partner (mine was picked for me because I was convientely in Washington DC for the Inauguration of Barrack Obama on the day of that class), and then gave it to them. I still have my partner’s CD though. I remember 3 songs though   Hakuna Matata (Baha Men- Disney Mania CD!) Laugh s...

June is “Migraine awareness month! And being that I haven't given a Chiari update for a while, I figured that maybe the end of June might be the time. This is kinda a “woe is me” post, but not to make you feel bad for me, but just because migraines SUCK! With a lot of Awareness Months, they use the month to spread awareness of early signs of detection, how and where to get screened, and to raise funds for the cause. With migraine awareness there isn't really that push (other than to maybe raise money for research but I don't have a favorite fund so I’m not going to even go into that) so, I think I am going to use this month (or this blog post) to help others understand that people with migraines are people. I live a life, well sometimes. I have a favorite food, ice cream (actually it’s donuts). I have a job, well for 9 months in the year… and take every sick day I am offered because of migraines. To be diagnosed with Chronic Migraine, you must have: 1.      Headache ...

Yellow dasies with 3 giant Gerbera dasies right in the middle. And they weren't forget-me-nots, but close. They were purple on color ansade it complete. I don't think there could have been a better gift for me after hearing that she could not find the heart beat.  You see, the gerberas remind me of my nephew. For his funeral we got giant orange ones. Yellow is G-Dawgs favorite color. Forget-me-nots are the flower in my mom's garden that helps me to remember Dillon is always with me. Watching and protecting.   I was with my cousins the morning after my grandma passed, and while we were upset, one of them asked their dad in a search for understanding, "So now instead of rocking us, Grandma is in heaven rocking Dillon and Manti?"  Again, what a gift to receive, to remind me that my baby is in heaven with the 3 angels I love most and aspire to be.  "I can.... I can't find the heartbeat." I wake up those words often. It is the worst nightmare a woman can ...

Since being diagnosed with Chiari, a food log has been introduced into my life. This is both a blessing and a curse. I hate seeing all the crap I eat in a day! It is so gross. But I do love that I am better able to control my migraines lately just based off of what I eat.  There are a few things we have noticed that trigger migraines for me.  1. My bite size breakfast. I hate breakfast foods, there are few things I will eat in the morning. Christian is an amazing husband and knows that if he pre cuts an avocado, a banana, and a chicken apple sausage and lines them up nice and straight I will eat it all up. The problem is, all 3 of those are migraine triggers. So I can no longer have all 3 for a meal I can only have one.  2. Hotdogs. This is one I am not even sad about. Last time we had hotdogs I had more than I needed and then stated that I don't even like hotdogs, I just eat them because they are there. But now that we have been able to link those to my migraines I defin...

As promised, here is a quick update on my brain. Sorry- No pictures   I sill have Chiari Malformation Type 1.   A few weeks ago I met with a neurosurgeon to decide our next move. We talked about my symptoms and my tonsil, and the surgeon decided that the surgery's risk outweighs the rewards. So, we are still in the same spot. Pain, pain, and more pain.   I have been working on a headache journal, and at first, I documented every day. This lasted about 3 weeks, then I forgot about it. I then only documented the last 24 hours leading up to a headache where I rated the pain at a 7 or higher. When I document this I make sure to mention what I ate, how much water I am drinking (I try to drink   3 liters a day!), and what physical activity (if any) I have done.   Last Tuesday, my sister and I made a day out of my doctor's appointment in Salt Lake to see my neurologist. Nothing has changed, and my neurologist seems to be as frustrated as I am with the lack of ur...